I’m possible

by de

Making the impossible possible….. Or where would I be without the 12wbt?

I would be where I am. I would still work in the same job, I would live in the same house, I would have the same daughter, the same dog. I would drive the same car and listen to the same music, yet I would be a completely different person. The woman that sat down to complete her pre-season tasks in February this year did not run. She had no self-esteem, she didn’t keep a diary, she was in a constant state of stress due to her disorganisation. She smoked and she drank way too much. Her priorities were so out of whack that she couldn’t have told you what they were, her life seemed out of control.

Sitting down to complete my pre-season tasks, I felt great. I had just started boot-camp and exercising regularly, I had found a good job and moved into a nice house… I was full of hope for the future, just hated the way that I looked. Put simply, if I am honest with myself,  I mostly blamed my ex-partner for the way that I looked and how I felt about myself. It was easy to do, when I met him I was 19 (rather than 35) I was young and full of life, I had few responsibilities and even less wrinkles I had plenty of hope for the future. Time had changed most of that and circumstance left me raising a soon-to-be-teenager by myself. I was full of resent, and it showed. Many people talk about eating their emotions, hence they gain weight. I drank them. No matter whether I was happy or sad, up or down, left or right… I’d have a drink. Although the habbit seemed all consuming, it actually wasn’t that hard to beat, I still have a drink most weeks… that’s weeks, not nights! Then there was the smoking which naturally had to go (lets face it, it’s not doing anything for you!)

Whilst I don’t think that what I have done was particularly ‘hard’ and none of it is Rocket Science it wasn’t easy either and some days were quite simply bullshit… but there have definitely been some of the best days of my life as well. You have to have the up with the down and the up’s have been phenomenal. I guess at the end of the day, I made a decision for myself, I put my faith in myself and I refused to give up. I set goals, I tell people about them, I am accountable. I have bad days all the time, bad weeks even, but I still get back up because this ‘new life’ is so much the better for living in. I like *this* de, she is happier, more fun, she doesn’t worry as much….and how much better does she look?

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