Paralysis

by de

Complete and utter paralysis.

I want to write, I really and truly want to write I want to get it out there, what I think, how I’m feeling, how things affect me, my opinion.. The whole box and dice. So what is stopping me?  Something, something so big and strange and block-brick-wall-like is stopping me. It sounds like this…

Oh, I can’t write a post because I can’t think of a name for the blog.

Ahh, I can’t write a post about that because I should write a post about something else first….

Ahem, nobody will read my writing because it’s too boring.

Erm, there is no point trying to write because it never comes out on paper like you want it too.

All the good blog themes are taken and I want something original, therefore I can’t write.

I am quitting my block-brick-wall-like excuses right here. Leaving them at the proverbial door, kicking them to the kerb. They are gone and I am going to write.

So, Hi! I’m De and these are my adventures.

My adventure started last November, it was a Monday morning. I was sitting on a busy commuter train and the sudden realisation that everything in my life had to change hit me like a tonne of bricks. I sat there, as you do on a busy train and started to sob. I cried from Nerang to Roma St, by the time I had gotten to Brisbane I was pretty sure I knew what I had to do. I felt like an idiot and wondered how many fellow passengers had seen me tearing up behind my (impossibly cool) aviators? How many of them had had an in-train epiphany?

The thing was (and sometimes still is) that I realised that I absolutely hated myself. I didn’t like who I was, I was not proud of how I looked and what I had acheived in my life, it was like waking up at last.. actually facing myself in the mirror and thinking ‘holy hell woman, you look like shit, time to do something about that’.

So this is the story of what I did…

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